Hoarder or Chucker?


Are you a hoarder or a chucker? A keeper or a reaper? Here’s my stance…

‘Merch’ is an honorary title bestowed upon myself by two friends in acknowledgement of my love of merchandise. I don’t even need to buy lots – I just like looking at it. It’s the only form of shopping that I can tolerate.

T-shirts, hats, pencils, tea-towels, postcards, key-rings, and my absolute favourite – miniature castles and figurines. You know – like those models of the Eiffel Tower or the Egyptian Pyramids. I once had a small-scale Collosseum that I’d bought in Rome on our honeymoon. Only a year or so into our marriage did I realise that the miniature monument had mysteriously vanished. My wife said she hadn’t seen it lately… but I had my suspicions…

If I had my way, I’d have a whole room full of bits and bobs I’d picked up on my travels. At the moment, this shrine of memories is restricted to a large kitchen appliance. Our fridge is a museum of magnets, purchased near and far from tourist sites and holiday destinations. It was a marital compromise made with my wife, when she realised in the early days of our home-sharing that I had this penchant for what she mercilessly calls “mass-produced tat”.

It is funny how one thing can be termed two different things, depending on perspective.

Take the buying and keeping of merchandise; I call it ‘collecting’, whereas my wife calls it ‘hoarding’. A bit like my support of Andy Murray – as an Englishman myself, I claim Murray as British when he wins, and Scottish when he loses.

So if you’re reading this and you’re a ‘collector’ like me; stand strong, defend your art, reject the label that others might try to stick on you of being a ‘hoarder’. They’re just jealous, because they have no emotional response when they throw stuff away. They don’t understand the important threads of ‘mass-produced tat’, old train and cinema tickets, and the cheap digital watch you had as a teenager, in the weaving of life’s rich tapestry.

See you at the merch-stand – I’ll be by the fridge magnets.

2 thoughts on “Hoarder or Chucker?

  1. Hi, this is a fun piece Eliot, really enjoyed it … I don’t think I influenced you in any way, in this so-called “hoarding” habit ?! ; however, I do possess a miniature china church from Patmos brought by a close friend when she visited! Also, a tiny glass image of “Roma” ; several Slovakian fridge magnets, a key ring and a pen; “I love Bratislava” … ah well, better stop. Can empathise with Becca about the dusting ! Thanks again for some good writing, to stimulate and entertain. Mum.xxx.

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